Mid-November Meditations

Recently, I posted several thoughts on my feed that brought a lot of approval, so here they are with a little side commentary as a preface to them.

So as “John Smith” continues to challenge me with his questions and comments about my life choices and on graduate school, I smile, because I know who I am and what I can do. I’m not lucky, I’ve just gone through the gauntlet to see where I need to be. I know what I’ve gone through in life–read the “about me” page, and there’s still much more I’ve had to endure and grow from. I know how much effort I put into things, regardless of what people perceive–from getting tutors from school and paying for my own outside help to understand, dealing with money issues on the side and working while in school, dealing with the death of three very important people to me during the fall quarter—things the naive and unlearned would never perceive because of their inability to ask questions. Things they will understand as they open their hearts to compassion, or when life throws other experiences their way if they are ready to open up and decide there is more than the shadows dancing on the allegorical cave of Plato, that if they turn around and step outside–life is right there.

“John Smith” is someone I thank because it strengthens my resolve to be who I am and laugh because what is perceived is not necessarily reality. That I vocally share my thoughts and emotions, and I am not alone in this, for life, school, spirituality, the Third Culture Kid experience–I never would have made as many friends in life had I not taken that risk and decided to embrace being me. I am Johnny C, and I am a traveler. I meditate and focus on self-reflection because it allows me to grow and challenge myself even when “John Smith” and others do not come, and it allows me to be happier with myself and choices. I know who I am and what I will do–Shakespeare’s Macbeth: “Know yourself and know your place in life, and your enemies will never conquer you.”

My aunt died on 9 November 2012. Kenny died a few months ago. Last year, I lost three people in two months. I am at a point where I am now embracing death as a friend who comes to remind us memento mori, remember death: make the most of this life on earth. I know everyone is doing well on the other side, but while I’m here, I’ll take care of the planet until the next person takes my place. When I’m in the next phase, I’ll be there with all my friends and loved ones partying hard in the Cosmos.

1. No, I’m not sad, lonely, angry, or any of that. I’m just sticking one hand in my pocket turning up the volume of the music in my headphones, and the other one wiping the sweat off my brow while I look straight ahead into the unknown horizon. The road less taken or the path yet traveled, it doesn’t matter: the sun still shines on me, and I’m gonna do the same thing I’ve been doing all my life, even when everyone has died (five this past year alone), broke or wealthy, hungry and homeless or satiated and sheltered. What’s that I’m going to do? Keep moving forward. Love is my resistance to all that comes my way.

2. When life is hell, it’s the Universe telling you that you may be better off doing something else. Resisting the river instead of flowing with it, you tire yourself out and can only get so far. It will seem like hell until you give in, then you go where you’re meant to be taken with the flow, but will have to go further and wait longer because of how much you’ve gone backwards instead of forwards.

Life is hell because it’s a hint that you should be elsewhere, When you’re there, you’ll know it’s where you’re meant to be. School, desk-sitting and pencil-pushing, America and the First World: it’s a path, but not THE path. Go where your heart leads you, and don’t wait for permission, don’t think you need a license, it is okay to be you.When you learn to let go and flow, you discover you don’t need to stay anywhere forever and that you have more options in life than you see offered to you. If you ask, the Universe gives. Don’t try to be the brain if you are the heart, don’t try to be the hands if you are the feet: people will tell you that you must be this and should be that, but if it’s not who you are or your nature, that simply isn’t the Way. When you embrace yourself and do what you are meant to do, you will do better than you ever imagined–and much, much, more.
3. The truth is, everyone has a role and place in the Universe. The Universe works in a very simple way: at the worst, your purpose is to show others what kind of person NOT to be, or to challenge them and see if their will is strong enough to continue the path they choose to pursue.As you start awakening that candlelight inside you, the fire within starts burning, and as the flame is kindled, your awareness illuminates the darkness to reveal that you can choose that higher path.

Travel far, and see that the Universe is a lot further than your eyes can see and your arms can reach. Meditate on the Cosmos and beyond, and find that your awareness allows you to take on higher roles than what you have, that you deserve to be more and do more.But you can always choose to stay on the lower path, trust me: there’s something for you. Some people like it there.Me? I want to keep climbing the mountains of existence and gazing at the shores of infinite where the stars are watching me. As my awareness increases, the stars are shining brighter to show that there is a higher path for me. And it’s to climb to the top of the Holy Mountain, to let that candlelight within ignite and make me a supernova in the Universe, shining on all, saying one message we all feel in our hearts:”Gaze into the Cosmos and see: there’s a place up here for you to shine bright and brighter as well! Wake up, everyone! This is where we belong!”
4. It’s always about choices and perceptions. When someone asks you if you see the glass half empty or half full, I have a lot of questions.I ask “What kind of glass?” and I see a golden Beerstein with emeralds, rubies, and diamonds with my name on it, held by a girl in a bathing suit wearing bunny ears, smiling and winking at me.I ask “Half empty or half full with what?” and make sure it’s red wine instead of hemlock and aged at least thirty years from Napa.

I ask “Where is this allegorical glass?” and I imagine I’m on my own private jet plane with all my friends, listening to The Killers’ “Human” with a special girl. Why limit yourself to the choices you’re offered? Stretch the boundaries of your imagination and make your own opportunities.Thanks to my dad for inspiring me to be creative by never doing anything but my best, that I deserve to be happy, that it’s okay to be me, and I can live the high life if I truly want it. Happy 70th birthday dad! I’ll keep everything down here safe while you keep the party going for me when I join you in heaven. Until then, thanks for everything and I love you dad! [My father’s birthday was 15 November]

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