Sometimes I wish I could do more

On my way to my department, I saw a little mouse on the ground in pain. It had been kicked by some jerks and someone was about to step on it until I came along.

I tapped the ground a bit to see if it was just in shock, but it was in pain and suffering, too scared to move. I picked him up and he couldn’t even run away. So I moved him over to the bushes after walking some distance away from the main path so that nobody would accidentally hurt him.

I didn’t know how else I could help him, so I looked through my bag for some food to give him and comfort him, but all I had was a smoothie in my flask, which I poured a little bit next to him.

I walked away and couldn’t stop thinking about him, and the cafe nearby had a few people in the vicinity. Looking for some scraps, I asked the manager if he would be willing to spare anything that fell on the floor or whatever, just a few small pieces, and he said he was in a humanitarian mood, so he gave me a full croissant.

I ran back to the bushes, hoping that he was still okay. He was still there, and hadn’t moved. I broke the croissant into a few pieces and gave them to him, said a little prayer, and said to the little mouse that I hope he would be okay. Afterward,  I placed the pieces far enough from him just in case the crows came and wanted to take them from him and might have hurt him.

Whenever I see cruelty to fellow human being and animals, I’m consumed with this pain. Part of that pain is that it’s hard for me to fathom how cruel people can be to one another, viewing any living thing as lesser, unimportant, or deserving of their cruelty. Individuals who beat up children and women, rape others, anonymously posting threats and insults to people on the Internet– all because of their believed impunity and superiority. It hurts me, and I hate it.

The other pain I have is, I always wish I could do more and help. But I’m only human. I often wish I was a superhero, that I could say “Kimota!” and transform into Young Miracleman, and save everyone and everything from cruelty. I just don’t know if whatever I’m doing, big or small, if it’s enough.

What is it that inspires people to be cruel and not care about anyone else besides themselves? What makes them think it’s funny to cause physical and emotional pain? Why bring more negativity into this world when life itself is already difficult? Why cause more suffering when we have our own karma and damage to ourselves?

The State of Georgia just killed Troy Davis. The famine in the Horn of Africa is going to kill off millions. The Democratic Republic of Congo uses rape as an instrument of war on their “enemies” to control them. The UN peacekeepers from Guatemala raped a Haitian boy and recorded it on their phone, laughing, thinking it was funny. Why is there so much cruelty in this world? Why did I live through some of it in the Philippines when people I know were killed by bombings or were kidnapped and beheaded? Why us?

I’ll admit I’m not perfect and I’ve done some bad things myself, and every now and then I’ll struggle with doing the right thing or punishing those who I think have wronged me. However, it’s incidents like this when people find it funny to hurt a poor little animal that upsets me and ruins my whole day. I wish I could do more and help make a difference, to all life. I know there will be some people who laugh at me, ignore me; I know some trolls on the Internet will laugh and insult me anonymously; I know there are times I have reacted and shouldn’t have and hurt people I didn’t have to because it was more satisfying than being the bigger man and not resorting to violence; I know I should be better in many cases. But today, I just wish I could do everything I can to stop the suffering in this world.

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One response to “Sometimes I wish I could do more

  1. lifelongbruin

    The world’s a fucked up place. It’s up to people like you and I to try and make it better, no matter how small of an impact we make.

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