Prologue: The End
Over a year and a half later, it’s time for me to look back and say that this is the end of one journey and the beginning of another. Since posting my last several entries, as with anyone else’s life, events have transpired, lessons have been learned, mistakes made, experiences accumulated, and wisdom and maturity both lead to insight.
In short, I recall the advice of Mr. Brett McKay of one of my favorite sites, The Art of Manliness: “Beware the too compelling narrative“. Alongside the heartfelt wisdom of Jack Kornfield in his podcast on heart wisdom, Episode 5, Trauma and Freedom, telling our story helps attend to the trauma we carry so that it eventually loses its hold over us. The synthesis of these two ideas I have spent much time reflecting on leads me to conclude that I have told my story finally instead of hiding it within, and it no longer holds power on me. At the same time, I have looked over how I have told this story, and found the problem of too compelling a narrative.
Yes, this blog has been characterized by its complete openness so that others may see me as I am. I do not hide myself, and I have been accused of being a victim, or complaining too much about my life when everyone has their own suffering, even dismissing my homelessness, my sexual assault, the loss of friends to terrorism, and trauma of life in 13 countries from loss to disillusion.
The problem with their view is that while I use this to share myself and be present to my emotions, they are criticizing me and trying to prevent me from healing. While I can appreciate their concern, it’s one thing to say, “Hey, you’re a victim, get over it, stop complaining”, it’s another thing to listen to someone, say, “I hear you, I’m here for you” and then when the time is right, help someone through their process when the time is right. Only an unawakened and insensitive individual believes that bullying and dismissing someone is helpful. Interestingly enough, I find that the least compassionate were the so-called “Titanium People”, those who recover and create a narrative of a rise and fall and rise again for themselves, and are impatient towards others who are not rising as fast as they have, which is detailed in all its nuances here: http://lifehacker.com/walking-in-someone-else-s-shoes-actually-makes-you-less-1738178741.
So when I say that this is the end, I mean that it’s the end of this narrative that has been created between the context and subtext of my words. I’ve gone from being slave to my emotions to being witness to my emotions as I have embraced a side of myself I’ve found to have been hiding, even when sharing this narrative of myself.
Before anyone else reads further, I implore you to read those two articles and spend time listening to the Jack Kornfield podcast episode for informed insight, especially before you make any judgments or comments.